


There's No Place Like Home

by polaroidfiction



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Gender Dysphoria, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Me in Thedas, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-03-07 05:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polaroidfiction/pseuds/polaroidfiction
Summary: I knew all about the Conclave and the Divine and… everything else, really. I knew everything that would lead to Corypheus’s defeat, the outcomes of the choices I’d be faced with, and the secrets and betrayals of people I hadn’t even met yet. For the next year, I would be the best fortune teller ever to live.In which I drop myself into Thedas and see what happens.(Tags updated as I post. Eventual Inquisitor/Harding.)





	1. A Rude Awakening

My breath caught in my throat as I came to consciousness, the pounding in my head stealing the air from my lungs. It was followed shortly by a waxing and waning ache throughout the rest of my body, and sharp pain from my left arm, like I'd fallen asleep with my wrist bent and pulled every muscle in my hand and forearm.

I didn't realize I was upright until I wasn't anymore, tipping forward towards the floor where I knelt. I jerked as I caught myself, my eyes finally snapping fully open.

The walls around me were stone and fire-lit. I'd never been here before. Last I remembered, I was at home on my couch. I froze, and felt the muscles in my legs and back start shaking as the panic hit. What was happening? Where was I? Had I been taken?  _ This couldn't be happening _ . I couldn't even force my mouth to form a simple “Where..?”

That didn't stop me from screaming when I realized I wasn't alone. A man paced around me into my field of vision. I lurched backwards, only to find my wrists chained and more people behind me. I curled forward, straining my arms against the manacles to cover my head. I heard footsteps and the clinking of metal, and I clutched into myself as hard as I could. A door opened, and I fervently shook my head. I was defenseless as heavy footsteps approached me, and I hiccuped hard as I tried to contain the sobs threatening to wrack my body.

A harsh hand dragged me up by my collar and forced me to look up from my knees. I blinked hard to clear the tears from my eyes. Were I not already in a panic, I would have quailed at the ferocity in the face I saw. But…

“What the  _ fuck? _ What kind of a sick fucking joke is this?” My words were choked, probably barely intelligible. But damn it, I was looking into the face of a woman dressed as Cassandra  _ fucking  _ Pentaghast. There was no mistaking it, she had the cropped hair, a scar down her cheek, and the Seeker's armor— made of actual metal, too, not just foam or leather. What in the name of the gods was happening?

“You think this is a  _ joke? _ ” the woman demanded, loosing her grip on me with a shove. “The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead… except for you.”

“The… Conclave?” I forced a forced a few deep breaths to try and steady myself. The woman, Cassandra, I suppose, paced around me. I stole a glance around and too found a woman dressed as Leliana. The man I saw before, as well as the others in the room, wore the uniform of Inquisition soldiers. I still had no idea what was going on, but it was… something Dragon Age. I could deal with Dragon Age. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Cassandra halted in front of me and grabbed my left wrist. “Explain this,” she demanded, and my palm flashed green. As it did, the feeling of seized muscles deepened to the bone, and I felt a hole burning in my palm. I cried out and flinched in her grasp, but she only held me tighter. What had they done to my hand? Maybe I couldn't deal with Dragon Age. 

“I don't know what's happening,” I gasped.

“You're lying!” Cassandra shouted and shoved me again. Leliana caught her by the shoulder and moved her away from me.

“We need her, Cassandra,” she said calmly.

_ Her. _ Fuck me. On top of everything, I was gonna be  _ her _ for the duration of this ordeal? I dropped my head, but these people were being dutiful to the script, so I had to respond. If they didn't break character for screaming and crying, they were obviously going to stick with it until the end. I would have to play along.

“I… I don't know what's going on, or how I got here,” I said weakly. My breath still shook in my chest, and I couldn't shake the feeling that this was going to end horribly very soon.

“Do you remember what happened? How all this began?” Leliana asked.

“I remember running,” I recited. Gods, I'd played the game too many times. Would it be worse to say things verbatim? Or were they testing me, asking if I knew how I got  _ here _ , wherever here was? “Things were chasing me, and then… a woman—”

“A woman?”

“She reached out to me, but… but then…”

Right on cue, Cassandra cut in, and sent Leliana to the forward camp. She unlocked the manacles and bound my wrists. I saw that I wore gauntlets, and looked down to the rest of my body. Green coat, plate mail pauldrons, grey-adjacent scarf the complete ensemble… well, first of all, who had changed my clothes? A deep feeling of discomfort settled in my gut.

“What  _ did _ happen?” I asked Cassandra, but quickly added, “How did I get here?” 

“It… will be easier to show you.” As Cassandra answered, I searched her face for any hint of recognition of the changed line under the mask of the character. I found none.

I worried my legs would give out as I walked, and I concentrated on controlling my nerves. It didn’t stop the feeling of anxious buzzing that permeated every inch of my body, but my breath was normalizing and my eyes were finally dry. The hall we passed into had windows, and I peered outside as I walked. I think I knew what I would see. Still, actually seeing icy mountains instead of the rolling hills and summer trees I had left sent a shiver through me. I hadn’t seen mountains of any kind in years, and the shear size of them felt… intimidating. I’m a good midwesterner, I don’t need to see land do  _ that _ .

But they weren’t real, right? It was just a backdrop. There was no way I could have been taken so far from home without remembering something. 

I eyed the people around me, all dressed in those same pieces of Inquisition armor. They looked at me with fear or disgust. Their role, of course, dictated that they believed I had murdered the Divine. What was the macabre production, and why had I been placed in its center? Unless—

Cassandra guided me outside, and gestured to the sky. The mountains, as solid as the stone I walked on, stretched before me. One peak reached up, jagged and broken, towards a great, swirling maw in the clouds. Green light poured out, and tendrils like slowed lightning lashed out at the ground. Cassandra spoke, but my ears rang louder than her voice. Faintly, I felt myself stagger. There was no technology to make something this real. No special effects or virtual reality could simulate this. The clouds were a mile up where they blanketed the sky, and wind whipped at my clothes and drove snowflakes into my skin. I could smell fire and blood.

I wasn’t… this wasn’t… Thedas?

My hand flashed, and my arm seized up past the elbow. My lips formed a swear, but a pained wail was all that came out as I collapsed to my knees. I had the sensation of being able to feel the bones of my arm and shoulder, and I bit my tongue against the pain.

“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads, and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn’t much time,” Cassandra finished.

“This can’t be real. This isn’t  _ real _ ,” I gasped. “I’ve lost it, I’m— I’m dreaming, I—”

“It  _ is _ real,” Cassandra stated. “We cannot change what’s happened, but we may be able to stop it before more damage is done.”

_ That’s not at all what I mean _ , I wanted to shout. But I couldn’t just declare that I was actually from a different world, that nothing in this entire existence should have happened, this world  _ shouldn’t exist _ . News flash, honey, you’re all fictional!

But, they’re not. It wasn’t pixels on a screen that lifted me to my feet. I wasn’t standing on pictures in a book. Somehow, it was all real and I was a part of it. The people I’d only ever seen as momentary characters were flesh and blood around me, and I was… I  _ had to be _ the one to save all of them. They needed me.

Fuck it. I could deal with the rest later.

I exhaled sharply and gave Cassandra and affirming nod.

“Then…?” she said.

“If I can help, I’ll do whatever I can.”

Cassandra turned and led me onwards toward the road. I tuned out her voice as we walked. I knew all about the Conclave and the Divine and… everything else, really. I knew everything that would lead to Corypheus’s defeat, the outcomes of the choices I’d be faced with, and the secrets and betrayals of people I hadn’t even met yet. For the next year, I would be the best fortune teller ever to live.

But I also had agency. Cassandra had, however slightly, diverged from in-game dialogue already. The world would change and react based on my actions. I might have had the power to drive the Inquisition into the ground and doom the world. Now  _ that _ was a scary thought.

We reached the gate, and Cassandra removed the ties from my wrists. “Come, it is not far,” she said, and then paused. As she signaled the guards to open the gate, she said, “You never told us your name.”

“Alek. Short for Aleksander,” I said. I considered adding that I’m a guy, in order to do away with  _ her _ as soon as possible. Unfortunately, this was hardly a good time for a coming out. I’d only be awake through an hour or two of hiking and fighting before— 

“Shit, Cassandra,  _ wait! _ ” I yelped, freezing at the threshold of the valley. She looked at me, something between concern and annoyance on her face. “I can’t fight,” I said, “I’ve never had to, I-I never learned—”

Cassandra gave me a firm look and said, “Then stay close and do exactly as I tell you.”

I nodded and jogged to her side. I braced for the next flash of the mark, but it still knocked me off my feet when it came. The pain crawled further up my arm with each one and the ache lingered longer. I cradled my arm to my chest as we made our way up the path to the bridge.

_ The bridge _ . Cassandra was already crossing ahead of me. “Look out!” I shouted, and grabbed onto her arm. She twisted out of my grasp, but staggered backwards onto solid ground when the bridge was struck and began to collapse. When the dust cleared, she looked from me to the bridge— or rather, the remnants thereof. 

I could see her evaluating her options until she said, “We’ll have to climb down and cut through the valley along that path,” and pointed across the frozen river. I swallowed and tried to steady my racing heart. This was all much more intense than when it was on a computer screen. Go figure.

Two demons had appeared by the time we reached the bottom of the wreckage. Cassandra pointed to a hollow in the rubble and said, “Take cover there. I’ll call when it’s safe to move on.” Without another word, she leapt to the ground and charged into battle.

I ducked behind the rubble, but peeked around to watch the fight. Cassandra had engaged one demon, and had her shield turned to where the other was approaching her. The Breach pulsed in the sky, and another bubbling patch of demon-goo was cast onto the ice. When the demon appeared, Cassandra would be flanked, surrounded. Surely even she couldn’t fight through that.

I looked to where I knew the fallen crates would be. There, waiting, lay a longbow and arrows. “Fuck it, right?” I said to myself, and dashed to grab them up. 

It was lucky that there was a layer of snow over the ice, or I certainly would have split my chin on the ground. I threw the quiver across one shoulder so that the arrows hung at my hip, and summoned up all the memories of archery ranges at childhood summer camps. I scrunched my face as I drew back an arrow. The longbow was heavier even than my grandpa’s hunting bow, and my left arm screamed to brace against it. Breathing heavily, I lined up my shot and waited for the demon to emerge from the ground. Some ancient instinct took hold, and I paused to feel and account for the wind.

The demon dragged itself up from the ground, and I loosed the arrow.

The beast squealed, pierced through the chest and seeking its assailant. Excitement rushed through me and I nocked another arrow, aiming and letting it fly faster this time. I caught it higher, almost at its neck. One more, just slightly higher, and it dissolved, writhing and screaming. I looked to Cassandra and saw her pull her sword from the chest of the second shade. I approached her, unable to keep the smile off my face. I killed a demon! I didn’t die!

Cassandra turned her sword on me. “Drop your weapon.  _ Now _ .”

It was hard to say whether this terrified me because I’d forgotten what was coming, or because it was simply terrifying being on the worst end of Cassandra’s blade. I set the bow on the ground and took a step back with my hands raised.

“You told me you don’t know how to fight,” Cassandra growled.

“I didn’t think I could! I haven’t practiced archery since I was eleven, but i-it was there and you were gonna be flanked—” I motioned to the remains of the demon I’d shot.

Cassandra narrowed her eyes. After a moment, she sheathed her sword and placed the bow back into my hands. “I cannot protect you. If you are able to defend yourself, you should do so. And…  I should remember that you came this far willingly.”

I let out my breath as she moved on. Cassandra fiddled with her belt as we climbed the next hill, and handed me a leather pouch that clinked with the sound of glass inside. “Take these potions. Maker knows what we will face.”

I peeked inside and found a few small vials filled with reddish, translucent liquid. Rather unlike the large green flasks in the game, but certainly more convenient. I clipped the pouch to my belt and pressed onward, hoping that I would be able to avoid using them.

We continued into the valley. When we faced combat, Cassandra would hold the attention of demons in our path while I shot stragglers. The more I did so, the more aware I was that the skills I used were not my own. Sure, I’d done okay on the few occasions I got to shoot in the past, but even that was with a compound bow at close range, non-moving targets. There was a sort of uneasy discomfort to having an entire skillset implanted in my brain, but it  _ was  _ keeping us alive. I placated myself with the theory that it probably had to do with whatever mechanism had summoned me into Thedas. It would be fine. Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: already has two longass wips to work on  
> My brain: bUT WHAT IF


	2. Just Shut Up It's Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Solas have joined the party. Alek is trying his best, but it's hard to say how that's going to work out for him.

My heart pounded when the first rift came into sight. Cassandra joined the fray, and I climbed atop a pile of rubble to shoot from above. While the demons still outnumbered my allies, it took all my concentration to avoid friendly fire. I tried to tune out my thoughts and just rely on my(?) ability and instinct. I just had to treat it like drawing or leatherworking or the like, just with much higher risk of dying. Everything would be fine. Shoot now, panic later. It’s  _ fine _ .

My focus was broken by Solas yelling, “Come here! Quickly, before more come through!” I scrambled down to him and he grabbed my wrist to hold the anchor towards the rift. The sensation was electric, almost numbing as green light lashed out to the rift. The rift crackled and I clenched my fist and pulled my arm away. The rift vanished with a crack like thunder.

I pulled away from Solas perhaps too forcefully. I fell to the ground with a yelp, but the impact was mercifully padded by my armor. I paused to take a steadying breath before I pushed myself to a sitting position. “Sorry,” I said, “it was just… startling.” 

A broad hand poking out from a heavy sleeve appeared in front of me. I looked up and met the crooked grin of Varric Tethras, and found I smiled despite myself. I took his hand and he hauled me to my feet. After a nod of thanks to Varric, I looked back to Solas. “So,” I said, motioning to where the rift had been, “it worked!”

“As I thought,” Solas replied. “Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake. It seems I was correct.”

“Meaning it could also close the Breach itself,” Cassandra cut in.

“ _ Possibly _ . It seems you,” he looked to me, “hold the key to our salvation.”

_ Among other things _ . I pursed my lips and nodded. Now was not the time to address the fact that I knew I was talking to a god in disguise. Just save it for later, along with the terror and logical crisis still burning in the back of my mind.  _ It’s fine. _

“Good to know. Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever,” Varric quipped. He grinned at me and continued, “Varric Tethras, rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong.”

“Alek. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I— I’ve heard of some of your exploits.”

“Oh! A fan, huh?”

Cassandra scoffed and I huffed a short laugh. “Ah, yeah, something like that. And you?” I asked Solas.  _ Hey Solas, what’s your name Solas? _

“My name is Solas—”

_ Nailed it. _

“—I’m pleased to see you still live.”

“He means ‘I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.’” Varric corrected.

“Well, you have my gratitude for that. In any case, the rift is closed so we should keep moving, right?”

“Yes. We must get to the forward camp.”

I fell into step behind Cassandra as she and Varric began bickering about nothing. Solas walked quietly beside me, but a couple of times I caught him eying me curiously. I did my best not to return the favor.

With the extra hands, the climb to the forward camp was a swift one. I fell to a knee when the Breach next expanded, but this time I was at least able to spit a hard and clear “ _ Fuck!” _ through the pain.

“Shit, are you alright?” Varric asked, and came to my side. I nodded as he helped me up, but I held my arm close to my chest, every muscle tense to the point of pain.

“I, uh, I don’t think I can shoot anymore,” I confessed. It had taken ungodly willpower to push through the pain in my arm (and beyond, at this point) this long, and the burn of the last flash hadn’t even begun to fade. I focused on keeping my breathing slow. If I lost my composure now, everything else I was holding in would go with it.

“Just stay behind us, then. We’ll keep you safe.” Varric’s voice was uncommonly gentle as he led me to catch up with Cassandra and Solas. “How old are you, anyway? No offense, but you don’t look like you could be older than—”

“Nineteen,” I answered.

“Pretty young to be blowing up mountaintops. Unless you  _ are _ innocent.”

_ Back to the script, I guess _ . “I don’t remember what happened,” I stated.

“You don’t sound too certain about that.”

I hoped it wasn’t painfully obvious that this caught me off guard. “W-Well, what do you want me to say? That I have a perfect lie to explain how I got the apocalypse’s off switch stuck in my hand?”

“That’s what  _ he _ would have done,” Cassandra cut in. “However, if you  _ do _ know more, it would be in your best interest to tell us now.” There was an unsubtle edge in her voice.

“Better think fast, Ponytail,” Varric sing-songed as he turned back to the path ahead of us.

“Ponytail?” I touched the back of my head— oh. Ponytail indeed. Well, if nothing else I could at least say I kept my hair through… whatever the hell was going on. 

Strange just how much of a comfort that was. Vanity is one hell of a drug, I guess.

We scaled the final hill to the forward camp in a rush. Disgust rolled in my gut when I heard the sneering voice of Chancellor Roderick. Despite everything going on, I couldn’t help but let out a vocal scoff and hard eye roll as he came into view. 

“You know him?” Varric asked.

“No,” I lied cautiously, “it’s just… bureaucrats.”

Varric gave me a puzzled look. “And here I had you pinned for a Tantervaler, but there’s not a ‘Valer alive who would insult a member of the Chantry.”

“Tantervale? Why Tantervale?” I asked.

“Your accent. Close to Kirkwall’s but not quite there. If not Tantervale, then… Hasmal, maybe? Help me out, here.”

As I tried to come up with a response, I noticed Solas giving me the curious look again. I shut my mouth and approached the table where Cassandra and Leliana were bickering with the Chancellor.

I nodded along with feigned interest as they explained the options for getting me to the temple ruin. Something something charge, scouting party something. I chose to take the mountain pass; I wasn’t about to step into an open battlefield, and I always liked to save the scouting party up there. Cassandra frowned, the Chancellor sputtered, and we went on our merry way.

Perhaps it wasn’t my wisest choice, however. I didn’t get to skip the hike with a six second cutscene, and by the time we were halfway up the mountain my bad knee had started to act up, and I could feel my other bad knee gunning to follow. Besides that, I was beginning to worry about frostbite as well. While the leather of my boots meant they were mostly watertight, they had little in the way of proper insulation against the cold of the snow. I flexed my legs as I hiked to loosen my knees and increase blood flow, and resigned to just hope for the best otherwise. We’d already come this far, I could manage a bit more. Deal with the consequences later, just like fucking everything else that had happened until now.

It was embarrassing to have to sit back while the others continued to fight for me. I still had my arm hugged to my torso and I don’t think I could have even lifted the bow if I tried, but I wanted to be of use. Instead, I merely stood back as the others rushed at the rift with the missing scouts. When the last demon was defeated, I forced my arm away from my body and closed it— at least I was already becoming familiar with the motion. I wondered idly if the pain would leave when this was done.

“Thank the Maker you finally arrived, Lady Cassandra. I don’t think we could have held out much longer,” the scout leader gasped when the rift was closed.

“Thank our prisoner, Lieutenant. She insisted we come this way,” Cassandra said, almost sounding begrudgingly approving.

“The prisoner? Then you…?”

“We’re going to the Breach, but I hoped that we could find you as well.” I said.

“The path behind us is clear, at least for the moment. Go while you still can,” Cassandra said.

“At once. Quickly, let’s move,” the Lieutenant ordered. She paused as she passed me, and said quietly, “We owe you our lives. Go with Andraste.”

I’d be lying if I said receiving the genuine blessing of a fictional demigod didn’t send an uncomfortable shiver through me.

The rest of the path was a downward slope, thank the gods. Though my legs had it easier, my nerves were (even more) on end as what little was left of the temple came into view. The air was thick with the heavy, static feeling that comes before a storm, and the wind carried a burning smell whose source I didn’t dare wonder about. I only realized I’d been chewing the skin of my lip when I felt the damp of blood on my tongue.

I couldn’t avoid looking at the charred and dessicated corpses when we entered the ruin. They were everywhere. They weren’t just models and textures. They were  _ people. _ Dizziness hit me like a bus and I fell against the wall next to me. The body horror of it sent my stomach churning, and it was all I could do to keep it from making a piazza fountain of my mouth.

“Woah, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Varric said.

“Not a ghost,” I said, and forced a swallow, “but close enough to it.”

“You've… never seen a corpse before?”

“Not… Not like this,” I answered, and pushed myself off the wall. “Let’s keep moving. The less I think about it, the better off I’ll be.”

Varric lifted a hand as I stood upright, as though to steady me, or perhaps to catch me if I fell. This was the second time he’d come to my aid when I was doing poorly. Was he worried about me? 

Was he really willing to help me?

“Varric, can you do me a favor?” I could feel my pulse in my throat, and I didn’t look at him as I spoke. Cassandra was already striding away into the crater, and Solas ambled behind her.

“What is it?” Varric asked.

“Whatever happens in this fight, can you tell them…”  _ Just say it. Just fucking say it. Get it over with. _ “Can you tell them that I’m a man?”

I was met with silence, and so I went on, “I know I don’t look like one, or sound like one, and I don’t blame them— or you— for making the mistake, but I’m  _ not _ a woman and I don’t want the world to know me as one—”

“Ponytail, hey.”

I had been about to start babbling when I looked down at Varric. His smile was kind as he said, “I get what you’re saying.  _ I do _ . Now, you seem like a decent kid, and I hope nothing bad is gonna happen in there—”

“That we should be so lucky,” I interjected, and Varric gave me a look of agreement.

“— but if something does happen and you’re not able to tell them yourself, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”

I let out a deep breath. “Thank you. Really.”

“Oh, don’t get sappy on me. Come on, let’s get moving before the Seeker thinks you’ve run off.”

I nodded and jogged ahead. Leliana’s soldiers were already making their way through the temple, and Cassandra’s expression proved Varric’s urging right. She said nothing about my delay, however, and asked, “This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be. I need to—  _ Jesus _ —” I had finally peered upward into the glow of the Breach, and it felt like seeing a skyscraper for the first time. It was fucking  _ massive _ up close. I scanned back down and pointed to the rift at the base. “That’s where I need to be, right?”

“Indeed. If you seal this rift, you may seal the Breach,” Solas said.

“Then let’s find a way down, and be careful,” Cassandra said. 

As we picked our way across the temple, I was struck by a feeling of something coming to an end with this battle. If this was all a dream, I would wake up. If it was real, I would die. I was utterly certain of it. I had minutes left here, and I felt calm, as though settling on the bottom of a stormy lake.

Consciously I knew that was probably not the case. I suppose my death was possible, but really, if I'd made it this far then I would certainly wake up in Haven as I was on course to do. All this premonition was probably the anxiety finally coming to knock me out. Gods, it would be fun to try and unpack that mess when my life isn't on the line.

The voice of Corypheus, then the Divine echoed across the temple. I nearly stumbled, however, when my voice came in reply. It sounded like me, sort of, but the accent was  _ Orlesian _ , of all things.

"That was Divine Justinia's voice," Cassandra said as we reached the bottom of the pit, "but who—" 

The fade cast out its projection of the Divine and the shadowy figure of Corypheus. From the side, I appeared— and it was definitely me— but again when I spoke, it was with that terrible caricature of a French accent.

"Why am I talking like that?" I asked, though quickly dropped my voice for fear of casting further doubt on myself

The images vanished, and Cassandra rushed me. "You  _ were _ there. Who attacked? And the Divine, is she…? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?"

"I don't know. I don't know how it could be," I said, taking half a step back.

"It was an echo of what happened here. The fade bleeds into this place," Solas explained.

"Maybe your jaunt in the fade knocked something loose, if you managed to forget being Orlesian," Varric suggested.

Why Orlesian? The Inquisitor couldn't even  _ be _ Orlesian, at least not normally. I swallowed hard as Solas explained how to close the rift. Cassandra readied the soldiers and directed me to stay back at the edge of the pit once the fighting started, since I was still unfit for combat.

I braced as I reached to the rift. The sensation of opening it was different from closing it, slower and more muted. I tore back, and the roars of demons filled the air.

I didn't even have time to turn around before the pride demon's whip found my leg. I looked at the monster, surely eight or ten feet of spikes and shadow, and it  _ laughed. _ I was frozen, and could only watch as it swung the whip, taking me with it. 

When next I opened my eyes, all I could see was foggy light and blurry, swirling smudges of color. I blinked several times, and I slowly gathered that I was on my back at the base of a wall. The light was the magic glowing in Solas’s palms. I had only a moment to breathe before the pain hit me, and I swore loudly.

“She’s alright!” Solas yelled. I faintly heard Cassandra shout something in response over the din of the battle. “Drink a potion and stay low. Be ready to close the rift,” Solas told me, and stood to return to the fight.

_ The potions, right. _ I forced myself to sit upright and lean against the wall, trying not to cry out again from the pain. Something was definitely broken after my being thrown like a rag doll, probably many somethings. Every one of my rapid breaths felt like a stab in my chest, and my hands shook as I fumbled with the pouch Cassandra had given me. I pulled out a vial and managed to only spill a little as I uncorked it and downed it in one go.

It tasted like I’d eaten a fistfull of kale and lawn grass, but the effect was immediate. My head cleared, and the pain in my chest became a mere dull ache. Even my arm relaxed some. I looked down at my leg, and saw the cloth burned away where the whip had wrapped around it. In the gap, I watched as blistered flesh smoothed and healed.

“Oh, that’s fucking  _ spooky, _ ” I murmured. It was fantastically useful, to be sure, but I had to wonder how the magic of it worked if it could just  _ do _ that.

I pushed myself to my feet and bolted as best I could to duck behind a nearby outcropping of wall. How long had I been knocked out for? Dead littered the ground, and the pride demon looked like a pincushion for how many volleys of arrows had hit it. Its skin looked stony and more jagged than when it first appeared. It was guarded; in my mind’s eye I could see the silver plates covering its health meter, and I knew that the soldier’s weren’t so much as scratching it right then. I looked to the rift, to the jagged green crystals forming and un-forming in the gap. Maybe I couldn’t shoot, but I could still knock that monster down a peg.

“Solas, cover me!”

I heard Solas start to yell for me to stay put, but I was already running. The edges of my vision lit blue as his barrier went up around me, and I weaved through the soldiers until I was below the rift again. I reopened it, and the ruin was filled with demonic cries. The pride demon fell to a knee, and the soldiers took the hint and bore down on it.

As the rift spat out another wave of demons and the crystals reappeared, the pride demon stood. It didn’t laugh this time as it glared at me. It summoned its whip again, knocking down a cluster of soldiers at its feet.

“Alek, move!” Cassandra shouted. Maybe I’d lost it, but I stayed put as the pride demon began its charge.

"Just die already," I grunted, and raised my hand to the rift, tearing it open a final time. The demon screamed in agony, but its momentum carried it forward even as it began to fall and disappear. Now, I’ve never been hit by a car, but that’s what I imagined happening as I was crushed against the rock spire behind me. When the weight of the demon vanished, I lifted a hand to let them know I was alive. At once Cassandra was beside me, pulling my arm over her shoulders and heaving me to my feet.

"Now, seal the rift!" she cried. I raised the mark one last time, and dragged away from the tendrils of magic with all my remaining strength. The rift flashed and cracked violently, fighting more than the others against closing.

“Wake me up in three days,” I said to Cassandra as the bolt of fade and light finally rocketed upwards. It was hardly a joke, but I was still laughing when the Breach roared and the world went dark.


	3. I Guess This Is What's Happening Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems all this being-in-Thedas shit isn't a dream.   
> Existentialism aside, the world-- this world, anyway-- still needs saving, and Alek is still the sod with a glowing hand. While the Inquisition's reformation is set in motion, Varric discovers that this story is even weirder than it looks... and is only getting weirder.

I came awake easily. I felt like I was on a cloud, rested and without an ache in my body. The covers were soft under my hands. I didn’t move for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of being well.

Slowly, I came to focus on the wood ceiling above me and I sucked in a gasp. All the ease fell away as I was hit by the sinking realization that I was still  _ here. _ Comfortable as this bed was, it wasn’t mine. My home was immeasurably far away, and with it my family, my friends, and everything I’d ever held dear. And I was here, in the world of a video game. This wasn’t  _ possible, _ or at least it shouldn’t have been.

I wondered what was happening at home, if I’d been declared missing, or if it was like Narnia and no time was passing at all. My family would be destroyed if it was the former. My throat burned at the thought, and I let my eyes fall closed. It would kill me too, if I couldn’t get home to them.

This  _ was _ real, wasn’t it? I wasn’t just in a hospital having a massive hallucination or coma dream or something, right? Though, wouldn’t that be preferable? At least then I could hope that things would return to normal at some point, and that everyone else at least knew what was happening to me.

The sound of clinking glass jolted me from that sorrowful train of thought and I lurched to push myself upright. The elven servant whirled around, wide-eyed, where she stood at the desk.

“Oh! Oh, no, I didn’t mean to wake you, I swear!”

I propped myself more upright. “No, I’m sorry. I was awake already, but I guess I didn’t hear you come in—”

The woman fell to her knees and touched her forehead to the floor. I wondered if there was anything I could have said to calm her. “I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant.” She stood shakily, and began edging in the direction of the door. “You’re back in Haven, my la— lord.”

_ Lord? _

“They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days.”

I shifted to sit cross-legged on the bed with my back against the wall. “Wild,” was all I could think to say.

“I-I don’t mean anything by it, my lord. But, I’m sure Lady Cassandra will want to know you’ve wakened. She said, ‘at once!’”

“Oh, right. R-Right, I suppose she would. Thank you,” I said with a nod, and the woman fled.

I stood from the bed, only then really looking down at myself. I was dressed in the grey Inquisitor pajamas, though— thank the gods— the shirt didn’t hug my chest like in the game. My hair was still ponytailed, and by now thoroughly tangled around the tie— I would have to make taking it out a project for later. The mark on my hand was dim and glowed quietly under my skin. I couldn’t feel it at all, and if I put on a glove I could very well have forgotten it was there.

I found my belongings folded and stacked neatly in a chest, along with a few extra clothes and the upgrade armor from Harritt— the scout coat or something? I don’t remember. Functioning would be harder now that everything wasn’t labeled and I actually had to  _ do _ things rather than just double-click to equip, but I could navigate that particular issue when I didn’t have Cassandra waiting on my appearance. I did grab the short vest from the armor before leaving, though; it was enough to disguise what the loose top didn’t.

I could hear the din of voices and shuffling footsteps outside as I touched the handle of the door. They fell silent as I pulled it open, every eye turned to me. I took a breath and made my way down the corridor of people, trying to appear collected despite my bedraggled appearance. I held my gaze forward even when people in the crowd murmured at my passing— though I noted that all of them called me ‘he.’ Varric had kept his word.

They called me a hero, the  _ Herald, _ and I realized that I felt very small under the praise. I was no hero. Even by modern earth standards I was pretty squishy, and I had all the upper body strength of a kitten. In Thedas? I didn’t even know how to put on armor. It was a miracle that I’d been able to shoot. I was definitely not a front-lines fighter by any stretch of the imagination. The bottom line was that I knew what had to happen for the world to not die, but whether I would be able to make it happen remained to be seen.

I suppose this is the part where someone hops in to remind me that I have people supporting me and I don’t have to do everything alone blah dee blah dee blah. There’s a difference between helping someone and just doing the thing for them. My worry is which side of that line my allies will have to fall on.

The Chantry was stunningly quiet compared to the road crowded with people who came to witness me. The muffled bickering of Cassandra and the Chancellor passed dully through the air, but besides that the only sounds were an acolyte shuffling papers in a corner and my footsteps on the stone floor. I paused when I reached the door to the war room and listened to the argument inside.

“I do not believe he is guilty,” Cassandra stated.

“The prisoner failed, Seeker. The Breach is still in the sky. For all you know, he intended it this way.”

Even the Chancellor called me ‘he’? Just what did Varric say to everyone? Maybe my surprise was unwarranted; the only evidence of trans people in Thedas came from Tevinter, and though their receptions had been far from positive, guessing what was the same or different in the rest of Thedas could be a real crapshoot. Perhaps I needn’t have worried at all.

I took a breath and opened the door. Chancellor Roderick interrupted himself to order my imprisonment, but Cassandra cut in and dismissed the guards. The enmity in the room was palpable as they stared each other down. 

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it,” Cassandra said. If looks could kill, Roderick would have fully ceased to exist by now.

“So how do we proceed?” I asked.

“There will be no ‘we’ in this matter,” Chancellor Roderick snipped.  _ “You _ will be taken to Orlais for trial by the new Divine.”

“No, he will not,” Cassandra said.

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave, someone Most Holy did not expect,” Leliana said, appearing from the shadows at the back of the room. “Perhaps they died with the others— or have allies who yet live.”

_ “I _ am a suspect?” Chancellor Roderick sputtered.

“You, and many others.”

“But not the prisoner?”

“The visions we saw at the temple are undeniable. The Divine called to him for help.”

“Nevermind the accounts that say he spoke with a different voice?” the Chancellor demanded, “Or is that coincidence, along with his survival and the  _ thing _ on his hand?”

“Providence. The Maker sent him to us— as he is— in our darkest hour.” Cassandra looked expectantly to me.

I couldn't quite cover the laugh that escaped through my teeth. "Perhaps he did," I answered. It was as likely an explanation for how I got here as any I could come up with.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow.  _ Cassandra Slightly Dissaproves. _ “No one can deny that you were exactly what we needed when we needed it,” she said.

Leliana nodded. “The Breach remains, and your mark is our only hope of closing it.”

“That is not for you to decide,” Chancellor Roderick cut in. I could almost hear the man  gritting his teeth.

Cassandra slammed the Divine Writ onto the table. The noise effectively knocked be backwards and I hissed,  _ “Jesus!” _ as I righted myself. Cassandra did not seem to notice as she approached the Chancellor.

“You know what this is, Chancellor?” She jabbed the book with her finger as she spoke. “A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” Chancellor Roderick backed into the wall behind him, and Cassandra switched to poking his chest to punctuate her words. “We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order, with or without your approval.”

The Chancellor pressed his lips into a thin line and left the room in a huff. Cassandra’s shoulders sagged for just a moment, but she squared them again as Leliana spoke.

“This is the Divine’s directive: rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos.” Leliana’s brow pinched, and she looked to Cassandra. “We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support.”

“But we have no choice. We must act now… with you at our side,” Cassandra said, turning to me.

I pulled my lip between my teeth, but found that despite everything, a smile was pulling at my mouth. I was wholly unsure what to say, so I simply nodded.

“Help us fix this before it is too late.”

Cassandra held out her hand, and laughter bubbled in my chest. It was really time to start saving the world. “Hell fucking yeah,” I said, and gave her hand a firm shake. This particular reaction bewildered her, but she nodded affirmingly nonetheless.

“You should take this time to train and prepare yourself. There will be tasks for you soon, I’m certain. Leliana, we—”

Both women turned their focus from me to their own private deliberations about the days to come. I made my exit, and found myself standing alone again in the Chantry. I sat on a bench nearby to consider how I should proceed. The light of the mark caught my eye, and I worried my palm between my fingers as I thought.

I probably had at least a few days to myself while they set about reestablishing the Inquisition. Cassandra recommended training and preparing, whatever the hell that might entail for me. I suppose I could take some time to figure out the armor still sitting in my room, maybe find some targets and practice shooting too. My attention returned to the rat’s nest of a ponytail still sitting on my head. What I  _ really _ needed was a shower.

Wait.

How the  _ fuck _ do I—

“You alright there, Ponytail?”

“Varric!”

Varric smiled as he strolled up to me. “I saw you coming up here. Figured I should make sure the Seeker didn’t eat you when no one was looking.”

“We’re ok now, actually. Or, I think we are. She doesn’t think I’m guilty, anyway.”

Varric laughed. “You’ll be glad to have her on your side. Better than having her going against you, I can tell you that.”

“It has been a nice change of pace.”

“But really, how are you holding up?” Varric asked. “You’ve got hundreds of people out there calling your name, when days ago you were— well, what  _ were _ you doing at the Conclave?”

I stared at the stonework of the chantry as I considered how to answer. What lie could I invent that someone wouldn’t see through? Was there any half-truth I could possibly give to explain away the strange circumstances I'd gotten caught in?

"How about a trade?" I asked slowly, "A story for a story."

Varric's brows shot up and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Alright, I'll bite. What do you want to hear?"

"How did you get everyone calling me a man? I figured you’d talk to Cassandra and Leliana, but— I mean, it’s been  _ everyone. _ What did you say?”

“Not much of a story there,” Varric shrugged. “To tell you the truth, I left that one up to them. The ladies up top are the ones who deal with information; I figured they’d be better than me for getting the word out. You want to try for something more interesting, or do you want to take your turn and call it even?”

“Well, I guess…” I glanced to the war room door. I would have to tell them eventually. Leliana at the least, lest she think I know so much because I’m a spy.

Varric cleared his throat. “I have a campsite, if you’d rather talk somewhere away from prying ears,” he said, tipping his head toward the war room.

“Yeah. Yeah, alright,” I said, and stood to follow. 

Stepping into the sun and shining snow outside made my eyes ache after the chantry’s dim candlelight. It was a familiar pain, though, one that reminded me of the bitter winters I’d grown up with. I squinted against the glare, glad then that Varric’s legs were so much shorter than mine so that I could walk slowly. I did, however, almost trip directly over him when he suddenly crouched at his firepit. Throwing my weight sideways spared him from any impact, but my impact on the ground surely looked as graceless as it felt.

“Woah, you alright?” Varric asked, but his expression read  _ ‘oh, so he’s a dumbass,’ _ as much as it did  _ ‘I hope he isn’t hurt.’ _

I threw up an ok sign. “Been falling off shit my entire life.” That at least drew a laugh from him. I pushed myself up to sitting while Varric worked on starting his fire.

“So, the Conclave,” Varric prompted.

“I… where do I even begin?” I pushed a few stray hairs out of my face and chewed my lip as I thought.

“Well, as I recall I asked you why you were at the Conclave in the first place.”

“The issue with that…” I flicked my hands forward and tried to ignore the nervousness welling in my chest again, “… is that I… wasn’t.”

Varric’s mouth dropped open. “You weren’t… at the Conclave?”

“I don’t know how much I can say, but trust me when I tell you: it only gets weirder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break in between chapters! This summer has been crazy busy, and things don't look like they'll slow down for a couple more months. I'm still writing where I can, but it's slow going for now.   
> Thank you all for sticking with me! I never anticipated the support this story would receive, and it makes every word worth it <3


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